If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
