No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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