no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
