Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
