You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I will pee on everything he values.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
