if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
