This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Church boner. Awkwardddd
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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