i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
