I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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