theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
