looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
