i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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