Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
