I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
ok first of all what the fuck
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
