Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
