You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Randomize
