I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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