I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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