Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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