She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
