Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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