I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
