Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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