You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
