my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
