I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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