oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
