Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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