Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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