watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
