Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
