i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
