My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
