I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
