Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
