I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
