i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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