is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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