Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
