Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
