i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
