you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
