How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
