Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
