so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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