If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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