Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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