Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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