Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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