I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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