i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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