She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
