I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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