Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
