I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
