i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
babies were throwing up all over the place
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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